My Story of Love
There are scores of love stories around the world. Yet the ones that matter are almost always lost in time, because they don’t believe in “Once upon a time”, they don’t commemorate fairy tale romances, and they surely don’t end in “Happily ever after”, simply because they never end. But they have to be told nevertheless because they help redefine the way the world looks at the simple four letter word called L-O-V-E. This is my Story of Love.
It was dark; I could hardly see a thing. All I could hear were her screams, I tried to find her but couldn’t, I tried to swim hard but was lost. Her screams were growing more terrifying, I was beginning to worry, and she had been in pain for hours now, without any respite. What if something were to happen to her? I needed her in my life, I couldn’t imagine a life without her, I was not used to a life without her, and never wanted one without her either. I kept swimming, pushing and thrashing about as fast as I could, trying to move in the direction of her voice but her voice seemed to be shifting….sometimes closer, sometimes farther, sometimes to my right, sometimes to my left…I was going mad, it felt like I was going in circles and the darkness wasn’t helping. I was starting to panic. I tired to focus all my energy into the one thing I could do – swim. I swam until, I saw a flicker of light somewhere overhead, I swam towards it with all my might and finally, just as I came out in the open her scream became excruciatingly painful. The brightness hurt my eyes, I could hardly open them and I realized something with a sinking heart, it was silent. Where was she??? I was looking at a complete stranger in front of me .I was looking for her frantically….something had happened I knew…had I lost her? I couldn’t handle the pressure anymore. I burst into tears. This was not how our love story was supposed to end, we had so much more to do….suddenly life seemed blank…I couldn’t control my tears and bawled my heart out in pain….and then from nowhere I heard her….I felt her arms around me, she was alright! I couldn’t have been more happy than ever….”Shh…baby, it’s okay, we are fine now…..it’s all over….Hush”, she whispered into my ears. I took in every word she said and believed it with all my heart coz she is all I had in this world. She is all I loved and believed in, in this whole strange world that I was about to live in.
Many years had passed since that day. I hardly remembered it now, but she never let me forget it. Every year she would mark the day and when it arrived would try to make it special, she would tell me this was day I walked into her life and it meant the world to her. It was our little bitter-sweet anniversary. Well, I really never understood what all the fuss was about. It was after all a traumatic day but I loved the attention so why bother. After all, who doesn’t like to be the center of attraction? Whatever the reason. J
The beginning of every love story is always beautiful. You are perfectly comfortable with each other. You love everything about each other. All the good things seem to glare at you as though somebody underlined them for you and the things you don’t like much don’t seem to make an appearance at all till much later in your relationship. So our story was no different. But as years went by, our lives got busy, work kept her busy, but she was never busy enough to forget me. She would come home completely drained and yet cook the most scrumptious dinner for me, she would do everything to make my life easy and she would still be all ears when I told her about my day and future. I could keep jabbering away without realizing that she had given in to exhaustion. She would wake up fresh in the morning, and even with the morning rush, make it a point to prioritize my needs before hers. Never once did she make me feel inferior, no matter how busy she was she would always make me feel important and loved. The amount of energy this woman had was awe-inspiring. But, sadly I forgot to appreciate it then.
Everybody is in the limelight at some point or the other in their life….I was about to enter mine oblivious to it. I was meeting new people, taking charge of my life, and was told I was famous, intelligent and funny. I was ecstatic. My social life was thriving. I was making new friends, pursuing new hobbies, cultivating new habits, my transition was phenomenal. She was happy to see me in the new light. We would babble on about my new endeavors for hours after she got back from work. I was thrilled and she was happy to see me that way.
Time is of essence in every relationship and we were always pressed for it. Our late-night chats rarely happened now, she would sleep as soon as she hit the bed and I would read myself to sleep. She still had her ways of making me feel important but I was so absorbed in my own life that I hardly noticed the little things she did to make me happy. And sometimes when noticed I rarely cared to appreciate it because I felt it wasn’t enough. Oblivious to the fact, I had started to take her for granted.Our conversations from non-stop chatter reduced to long questions from her and monosyllables from me. I was ignorant to the pain I was putting her through.
I knew things were changing and in my heart I always blamed her for it; never stopping to think if I could mend a few tears. Looking back now I realize that all she had done was love unconditionally and always give in to my demands….after a few initial arguments on how she is also human and had feelings, she would eventually give in and come my way. I had gotten so used to it that it was always my way or the highway. When she realized how much we were growing apart, she tried to make things better for my sake; she gave up her successful job and decided to spend more time with me.
Being the hardhearted being that I was turning into, I was more than happy to have her undivided attention all for myself. I would lose my mind if she was not there when I got back home, the thought of coming back to an empty home would drive me crazy till I traced her and made her come back soon. I was becoming this perfectionist who loved to bully her into making my world perfect for me….my food HAD to be delicious, clothes HAD to be washed on time, TV remote HAD to be always within my hands reach, Phone HAD to be only for me, my room HAD to be spotless, and she obliged with all the love and care she had in her. I shamelessly basked in her love without even thinking of something known as reciprocation.
She would complain of body ache, I would give her an Aspirin and go about my work, later never bothering to ask her if she was feeling any better. She would say she was lonely I would get her books to read, sign her into FB, but never sit down and spend time with her. She would look depressed and sad, I would tell myself “Ah….it’s just a phase, she will get over it”. Every time she needed me I would remind myself “Not now, I have “better” things to do”. Every time she opened the door, I would slam it on her face, not waiting for her to tell me what she wanted to tell.
Even through all this, she always remained by my side. She complained but never gave up on me, cried but never drowned me in her tears, walked away from me but never walked out on me. All these years, the words “I-Love-You” never came out of her mouth, but she never failed to make me feel loved. All these years I have told her a million “I-Love-You s, but never once the way she said it. She is and will always remain the epitome of unconditional love; a person who has accepted me the way I am and managed to love and embrace me with utmost dignity.
At this point in my life, I am at a place where I finally understand her essence in my life – the fact that she is the backbone of my life. I understand what all she must have sacrificed to see an innocent smile on my face, and I can’t thank her enough. I know “Thank –you” is the last thing she would expect from me, the prized trophy that I am…all she needs is my time, not an expensive watch, a shoulder to lean on, not a book or a TV to cry into, someone to share her everyday tales not FB to share what’s going on in her mind. Its time I give her, her due….but not before I thank her. This is just a mere beginning of our love story, and for a change I want to begin with a Thank You instead of an “I-LOVE-YOU”.
THANK YOU MAA, FOR EVERYTHING, FOR THIS WONDERFUL LIFE THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME. I LOVE YOU.
Dedicated first and foremost to my Maa, and, then too all the beautiful mothers around the world, who make this thankless job called MOTHERHOOD seem so simple. Love you all.